It’s True. I was once a Mean Girl. No, I didn’t have a burn book. I wasn’t the most popular girl. And I didn’t try to make “Fetch” a thing. But I was was insecure, mad, and depressed.
As a kid I was made fun of a lot. (bare with me, this isn’t a sober story) I had a very loving family. Even though we didn’t have money ALL my family always found away to give me things… like Starter Jacket (Chicago Bulls & Supersonic) SO COOL I know. And yes I wish I still had them!
If you read my first blog you know I wasn’t a great student. I was also short, scrawny, and a huge tomboy that was just athletic enough to be on the team but was never the star. (Ok, I was good at track… and defense in lacrosse). So you can see where my mind was… I was always striving to prove that I could be prettier, smarter, and all round better.
Because I never felt good enough I was very defensive and reactive. My number #1 go to defense was to say something to make you feel as bad as you made me feel. I had been called “Bitchy” a few times… in the past. They were right. I was not happy with myself and didn’t want anyone else to know it or to shine light on it.
After a bad break up it all come to head. I wanted to blame everyone else for “picking on me” or doing things “to” me. It was THE POOR KRISTY SHOW. A few weeks of drowning my feeling in wine I said enough was enough. I reread a book I said I read in College… The 7 habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey.
In his book, Stephen R. Covery talks about switching your paradigm. What’s is a paradigm? The short answer is they way you see things. You’re paradigm changes as you “growth”. Here are his 3 phases of growth:
- Dependence: the paradigm under which we are born, relying upon others to take care of us.
- Independence: the paradigm under which we can make our own decisions and take care of ourselves.
- Interdependence: the paradigm under which we cooperate to achieve something that cannot be achieved independently.
As a kid, we believe what we are told… whether it’s from our parents, friends, and community leaders. We don’t know that if we are unhappy or if we are insecure about something that we can work to change it (like my reading/writing). Or we that we will learn to love what is “different” about ourselves. Unfortunately, I shouldn’t use the word “kid” because there are still some MEAN WOMEN/MEN out there. These people are still in phase 1 as growth ups. Or they are in phase 2 where It’s the ME show.
So, how did I (and do you) growth out of the first 2 phases?
I had to work on ME, and not the shell I showed people … as Stephen says “Inside-Out”. If you are insecure about something deal with it. I know it sounds harsh, but there’s no sugar coating it. WE ALL HAVE ISSUES! Stop trying to hide your own by pointing out other peoples.
It wont be easy at first, but by making myself better I have made my relationships and career better. Know it doesn’t have to be a big public thing (like I chose to) but you have to start understanding what makes you you… and use that! Heck, I’m writing this blog… if I was scared of what negative people might say I might miss out on helping that 1 person that needed to read this today.
STOP BEGIN A MEAN WOMAN/ MAN. Keep your eyes on your own paper and work on your “self” assignment. I promise it’s a much better life when you step out of the shadows of your fears.
Also, IF YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE I WAS REACTIVE TO, I AM VERY SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I SAID IN THE PAST. I’m still not perfect but every day I try better.
– Keep Moving Forward.