As Rocky once said, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows”. This is the quotes I hear in my head whenever I have a bad day. It’s tough out there and sometimes it feels like nothing is going your way.
Being someone that has always view herself as a “Rocky type person” I feel it’s important to finish the statement…
“…. It’s about how hard ya get hit and keep moving forward”. (Yes, that’s where my tattoo comes from)
But what if you’re the one beating yourself up? It’s not always the outside world that is throwing the punches. Some times we are terrible to ourselves! How do we stop beating ourselves up and keep moving forward in life?
That’s a question I’ve asked myself.
I have struggled with anxiety most of my life. At times I’ve had to pull the car over because an anxiety attack was making me short of breath. Or I break down and crying in the parking lot, because I was so stressed. What was I so stressed about? Like most people I was stressed about the things I “perceive” to be true, but in the real world has not happen yet and may never. So how do you, did I stop my mental punches?
I got out of my head-
I don’t know the scientific numbers but for me 95% of the time I am thinking in terms of the worst case scenario. If you have read any books about the brain this happens because of our fight or flight response. It’s a good thing to have fight or flight because most of the time it keeps us alive. But unfortunately our brain and hormones produced to enact fight or flight doesn’t know the differences between that checking my alarm for a second time before bed and being chased by a tiger. Have you ever walk out of the house without your phone! Ya… that flush of CRAP! SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND I DON’T HAVE MY PHONE. But most likely nothing will happen. To get out of my head I’ve had to practice telling myself “It will be ok” “You are ok” “The world will not end if ______ happens”.
-I can only control the controllable.
There’s a great story of the night before I won my IFPA Pro card. The ph levels of my body had turned my tan to a green color. My girlfriends was shocked when I didn’t lose my mind about it. At that time I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I had hired a woman who had been doing tans for years so I had to trust she would make it work. She did. 🙂
So what are some things we can control? Not a whole lot… that it’s self might send people into an anxiety attack, but it can also give you freedom. (Let’s of a check list) 😉 The other thing you control is yourself. As I said above, once you get a handle of your thoughts you will then have control over your emotions, reactions, and physical being.
The main thing I “worry” about is money. But after I break it down, I can’t worry about that… You might be wondering why? Well, I can’t control if a client has to stop working with me, or if a new bill comes up. What I can control is how hard I work to get clients and help them reach their goals or how many jobs I work. (I would work at Burger King if I needed to)
I am not a pro at this yet, but I am much better than I was years ago… month ago…. even a week ago.
-Be Present –
This is something that has clicked for me this pass year. Being stressed is worrying about things that have not happen. I was spending so much time in the future that I wasn’t enjoying my present. I have my client AJ and my husband to thank for helping me with this! Because I am in control of how hard I work, I never stopped working… barely taking a day off… which lead me to burn out, making me cranky. Even though I had left work for the night, I was still checking my emails and messages. I have been so focused/ worried about getting out of debut so my husband and I could buy a house that I was missing sending time with him in the moment. I’ve started to leave my phone at home when we go out together. Because it’s not just about being next to him but also giving him my attention when I am there. Again, this is still something I am working on but every day is a little better.
AJ challenged me to be present in my every day life. What does that mean? An example would be when you are walking in the grocery store… do you see the people around you? Do you smell the different scents? Can you hear the different sounds?
This was a tough for me because:
1- I always run in and out of stores… because I’m trying to get so many things done in a day.
2- I normally listen to a podcast, radio show, or music when I’m out to get the most “insight” I can.
3- I’m thinking about 5 things at once, so when one thing gets checked off my mental list it jumps to the next thing.
Leading up to doing this, (the hour of our session) I had anxiety about it all. But once I gave up and took on the challenge I found I was at piece. My headache I’ve had for weeks what away. I wasn’t thinking about my to-do list. I was just there in the moment.
I know here comes Hippie Kristy… But it really does work. You don’t have to sit cross legged and say OMMMM. You can just take a couple mins (normally I do it when I’m heating up my food) and take 20 deep breaths. Just doing that will relax you mind and body, which will make you ready for whatever it is you are about to do. I’ve been really found it helpful to do it before going into work and before bed. I feel it helps me get into the right frame of mind to achieve the goals I have for that day, and helps me relax after the day is done.
What is it that you are beating yourself up about? Talk yourself through it. Make a plan to do something. Get over it! Keep Moving Forward.