Last week I was talking with a friend about an amazing picture she posted of herself. She looked like she could have been on the cover of a book! (Think Sheryl Sandberg… because she will be the next Sheryl Sandberg). Here’s other conversation:
Me: Btw Iooooooveee your pic!
Friend: Thanks Kristy! I’m sure you know I’m working on some big things!!!
Me: I’m excited and proud of you! Chase those dreams
Friend: Kristy that picture took me a month to post. I was scared because of what people would think… how crazy is that! I can’t even imagine what it takes for you to post pics of you in your bikini. That was a huge awaking moment for me. Most women need the confidence to be who they are and not be afraid to show it!
This friend is one of the most driven, focused, and beautiful people I know. She is in great shape and the picture was very business professional. I was shock that she… of all people… was worried about posting what I thought was a great step towards her goal.
But she had a point…. Why are we so worried about what other people are going to say, think, or do when we “put ourselves out there”. Why don’t we have more confidence as woman?
She was also right… It did take a lot for me… at first… to post my competition or progress pictures. We joke all the time about “selfies” and in my case… “ab selfies” because… there’s a ton!
“Studies” that say “selfies” are a “disorder” and that the people that are always taking selfies or posting pictures of themselves are self centered… or “into themselves”…. I think otherwise.
In my friend’s case, she is in the first stage of starting her own business. A dream she has had for years. She is building her brand… and SHE IS HER BRAND, in the way I AM MY BRAND. But that picture… or any of my progress, stage, or even my ab selfies are just the surface. These pictures are just that… pictures. There has been years of hard work behind those pictures. It’s those years of hard work that will help others chase and reach their dream(s).
How do we have confidence without being “self-centered”?
1. Never take anything personal
One of my favorite quotes from the book The Four Agreements:
“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
This quote alone has been on of the most freeing things in my life.
I posted a pictures last week… that wasn’t a fitness one. Where I talked to someone about it she said, “Oh the slutty one?!”
Did you just say wow? Because that’s what I taught at first too! The rest of the night I had to work through that…. over and over… until I realized that that hurtful comment had nothing to be with me, but instead with her own insecurity. Once I processed that I was able to forgive her and more forward. You may be asking… why am I friends with someone like that… Well… my gift and curse is I see the good in people… even when they don’t show it. Also, I know I’m not a saint so sometimes we just have to let things go….
But for the sake of this blog. Why did I care what she had to say? All to often we look to someone else to see if things are OK or to get someone’s approval. Instead, my the goal I gave myself after that was to always check with myself.
If I’m happy or proud of something, It doesn’t matter GOOD or BAD what other people have to say. Most people aren’t able to see pass their on life to be open to yours… We need to humbling pat ourselves on the back more often, and just be us.
2. Go your own way
Have you every notice that the people that ARE pushing forward in their life aren’t the ones tell you STOP? Interesting… 🙂 This will sound harsh but, stop listening to people doing nothing with their lives…
If you want to achieve X goal and it’s healthy/ makes you better, don’t believe anyone when they tell you, “you cant”. It is YOUR DREAM… YOU are in control of it…. THEY AREN’T. Will it be easy? …NOPE…. but with every obstacle you face you will gain strength (mentally, emotionally, socially, physically). Those people will HATE to see you do better, because you are the mirror showing them they aren’t where they want to be.
3. It’s not about being liked… it’s about respect
Growing up in New England you learn 2 things-
1. Always have kitty litter in your car.
2. Hate the DAMN Yankees!
With that said, even the die hard Red Sox fans stood up when Derek Jeter took his last at bat this week at Fenway. Why? Because even though people hate Derek Jeter for being a Yankee, they can’t help but respect his hard work, dictation, and drive to be GREAT! He didn’t apologies for the hours of hard work or “play down” to make people happy. He had a goal and he worked his ass off to get there… unfortunately a few Red Sox fans and fantasy baseball players hopes where crushes along the way, but he was always classy and all you couldn’t help but say, “Damn that Jeter… he’s good!”
3. Own your triumphs and your failures.
We all celebrate the wins… but when you are vulnerable and honest about your short comings you’re HATERS have less ingredients for their Hater-aid. This blog was something I was worried about “What will people say?” “Will they think I’m not smart? “Will it make me look like less of a person?”…. so on….
I know there are people out there that still have negative things to say about me… but there’s nothing I can do for them, so why stress about them?
When you worry less about what the negative nellies will say you open the doors to help others! Weird I know but it true!
4. Stop telling yourself you’re not good enough.
I saw this quote today ” If another can easily anger you, if is because you are off balance with yourself”. If you don’t think you are GOOD ENOUGH… then your actions will show that. You can’t take anything of your own negative thoughts personally… YOU have the control to change that feeling. You have to have self- respect for others to respect you. You have to get over your fears and keep moving forward. You wont be a PRO at this. Heck… this is something I’ve been working on for years and I’m still not a master at, but I am better than last year! Be your own biggest fan!
I’d like to end with the words of Neuroscientist Laura Ann Pettito:
‘The creation of solid confidence isn’t just a brain game. It comes from work and risk and experiences that give us the proof we can keep doing more. Still, our brains don’t do us any favors when it comes to confidence. They need to be trained, because they get in the way, big time. We spend a lot of time thinking, ruminating, dwelling on problems and things that might go wrong or that we don’t like about ourselves. But all of the emerging research into the power of brain plasticity can and should be rewired. In a time of self doubt focus on three things you do well. This will help you flip your switch and quite that negative thoughts.’
My three things:
1. My laugh
2. My work ethic
3. My ability to see the glass half full.
Keep moving forward.