Life isn’t about being “fat” or “skinny”, it’s about being comfortable in your on skin. It’s all about what’s going on between each ear. This is Meghann’s story and how she realized that being “skinny” and “living” off of 700 calories a day wasn’t actually Life.
When I sat down to right this blog post for Kristy I was really focused at first on how to tell my story without making myself sound pathetic. Then I realized that much of what has happened as a result of my decisions is kind of pathetic. So be it. It is my story.
I married when I was 20. The day I walked down the aisle my dad said to me before we walked down the aisle you don’t have to do this and I said I know Dad and I bawled all the way down the aisle because I didn’t want to do it. I was so afraid to disappoint people- this became a running theme for my 20’s.
I was married for 10 years to a good man. We had three beautiful kids together but I wasn’t happy and in the end I don’t think either of us was. There were a lot of mistakes on my part and the experience of divorce took a toll on my family that was unrelenting for years to come. I have spent many years trying to reconcile the guilt I feel for how the divorce impacted the three people that I love the most my children. Nothing could ever take that scar from them and I constantly worry that the pain will follow them forever into their adult lives where they may become unable to have a happy successful relationship. This is my why- it is critical that I give them the best Mom I can be.
It was then that I found out that although I couldn’t control my kids’ feelings, my feelings, the stress of covering all the costs alone, and my future what I could control was my weight. I felt so small and I developed a mindset that my outside should match my inside. It was then that I lost 15 pounds of muscle and became a shell of my former self. People at work started to ask if I was sick, family members worried that I was on drugs and my kids even would wrap their arms all the way around me and tell me I was way to small.
When I first met Kristy I told her how I was proud of my ability to live on under 1000 calories a day. I told her about my extensive Insanity/ cardio workouts and how I was so very proud of my ability to be 5’9 128 pounds. She looked at me with a smile and support and provided me with a lifting/eating plan for 30 days.
The first month with her I struggled to eat the food that she told me to eat. It was a complete change of mindset for me. I literally was living on two meals a day before I met her. Now I eat 5-6 times a day with reminders from my body that actually recognizes hunger again.
I am proud to say that I stuck with it and trusted her advice. With her advice I have gained 8 necessary pounds. That 8 pounds means normal menstrual cycles and no more foggy brain. I now have a strong muscular body.
Most importantly and I cannot stress this enough- My outside matches my inside in a way that I am proud of. I am connecting with my children in ways that I wasn’t able to when I was surviving on 700 calories a day. I am seeing the little moments in the day that I know I was missing before when I was foggy and grumpy from lack of food. I know that this change that I have made in my life thanks to Kristy’s guidance will allow my children to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise. My goal is that the Mom I bring them every day is the strong, loving, funny and smart Mom they deserve.